Stew style beef (mildly spicy thanks to some habanero goodness) with seasoned steamed carrots, peas, and roasted potatoes. ^_^
***Let me preface this post by saying that there is absolutely nothing wrong with being open and upfront to the fact that you are dating multiple people and are not seeking anything serious. To each their own. Lay the cards out on the table and don’t lead women on with false pretenses.***
There used to be a time when dating meant you dedicated your time to one person exclusively. Now, I understand “norms” and socially accepted behavior have changed (not necessarily for the better) but human emotions have not. It is sad and unfortunate that as I traverse the dating sea I have to assume men are seeing or talking to other people at the same time. Women are guilty of this as well, I have no doubt about it. But for our purposes I am focusing on my own personal experience as an unwed single female in her twenties.
I won’t be a hypocrite and pretend I have never been on multiple dates during the week, but this typically happens when I know I will not be seeing the other person again. I simply do not have the time, energy, or desire to juggle men around as I already have a career and grad school to worry about. When I go on a date (NOT HANGING OUT, I hate when guys use that phrase) it is understood that I have a genuine interest in that person. I am spending time with them to see if the connection eventually develops into a relationship. I am not using them as a means to fill up my schedule or for an easy hookup. Men are always after women so I have no need to go through a date farce if physicality was my main goal.
It has been my experience that after the second date (sometimes even the FIRST) men think it is OK to use women as a booty call. That is not acceptable to me. If you have no desire to date me and only want to get into my pants please leave me the f*** alone. Your calls, messages, and emails WILL be ignored. This might come as a surprise to some men but women don’t particularly like being used. Shocking, I know. Another useful piece of information: Women love men who are interested in them as a human being and what they have to say. If you find the woman attractive I understand sexual thoughts will find their way into your brain, but thinking and acting on those impulses are two different things. You think women don’t undress you with their eyes? They do! They’re just a little more discreet about it. The brain is the most powerful sexual organ. Capture a woman’s interest and everything else will follow.
After having gone through some truly horrific experiences I have compiled a small albeit useful list of things NOT to do as a guy when it comes to dating. These are all based on personal experience so try not to laugh too hard at my miserable luck.
- Don’t open with “So how often do you like to have sex?” This clearly indicates to me you are riddled with STDs.
- Don’t text other women while on a date and certainly not in my face. Not unless you like being walked out on.
- Sending a picture of your penis is NOT flirting. Sexting is all good and fun but getting a text at work of your junk is not the proper way to tell me “I’m thinking of you.”
- Don’t invite a girl over to your place for drinks and leave the recently used torn condom wrapper in your waste bin in FULL VIEW! (I can’t even begin to express how fracking infuriating that was. 4th and last date. What a waste of my time.)
- Never utter the following words “Yeah, some girls get jealous that I get a happy ending at my massage place. You’re not jealous right?” (Out of sheer amusement and before I blocked him for good I asked if it was then OK for the woman he dated to engage in the same type of behavior, to which he responded “No, I’m the man. A woman can’t do that.”)
- Don’t call a woman a slut because she WON’T SLEEP WITH YOU. Best way to guarantee she never will. Now go get a dictionary and learn the meaning of the damn word.
- Don’t ask me if I “want to hang out” when you really mean you “want to have sex.” (I’ve begun to take men literally when they talk to me and act accordingly. Maybe then they’ll learn to say what they mean and mean what they say. PG date for you jerk.)
- Don’t text a girl that you’re bored. We kinda don’t like being used as a last amusement resort.
- Don’t confess you cheated to get your career license and then talk about how you deserve success.
- Don’t ignore a woman for days, sleep with other people, then try to talk to her again and wonder why she’s upset.
- Don’t declare yourself the “greatest guy to be dating” when you have no job, never finished your degree, constantly do hard drugs, live with your parents, and you’re 31.
- Lastly, don’t say “Yeah, I never use condoms. I don’t sleep with dirty people.” Newsflash you moron, most people don’t know they have an STD or show any visible symptoms. You should probably go get tested.
Ok, now that I have that out of my chest HAPPY HUMP DAY EVERYONE!
Saving calories at the bar may not be a good thing.
Researchers gave college students vodka drinks with regular soda and with diet soda, and the diet soda group got more intoxicated, faster -- about 20% more intoxicated than those who mixed regular soda with liquor, according to research published Tuesday in the journal Alcoholism: Clinical & Experimental Research. Sugar in your mixed drink actually slows down the effects of alcohol, researchers say.
This is very good to know. I started using diet soda as my mixer when I began a lowered calorie diet. I didn't know it would make it easier for alcohol to get into my blood. I guess it is back to regular ol' Coca Cola. :) Be good to your brains and livers kids.
After sailing a bit on the dating sea I have come to realize that there is an ever growing culture of hypocrisy and emotional detachment. I consider myself to be pretty jaded in matters of love, but some of the things I’ve seen and experienced have only made matters worse. I just don’t understand why people go through such lengths to portray themselves in a particular fashion only to throw away the guise once they believe the goal to be attainable.
It’s an age old custom, mother’s warning their daughters “Boys will say anything…” and it’s TRUE! There are several major problems with this. First, it discourages women from exploring true opportunities with guys that may not be the typical d-bag. Second, it wastes both people’s time as no true effort is being made during that initial discovery phase. Why bother with a date if all that is being said is simply a means to an end? Cut the crap. Do us all a favor and visit adultfriendfinder.com to get yourself a one night stand. At least then there would be a mutual understanding of expectations. Don’t pretend to be interested in what is between my ears if all you truly care about resides between my legs. There is nothing I hate more than wasting my TIME. I can smell BS from a mile away and if you’re so ballsy as to attempt such tactics on someone who clearly knows better you deserve whatever comes your way.
Now, I’m sure girls have habits that are just as nasty. I for one know that some like to keep a roster of guys at their disposal, essentially USING these poor (sometimes) well-intentioned gentlemen. I feel for you guys. You put in the emotional, time, and financial investment only to be set aside when a new “better” option is available. Heck, no wonder you figure it’s easier to just hit-it-and-quit-it. Who wants to go through all that just to end up discarded like last month’s iPhone?
I can’t help but to be disappointed. Not to say I’m the most amazing girl in the world and every guy should jump at the chance to date me but… can’t I just run into someone who actually cares about all the other things I offer that have nothing to do with procreation? :/ Ugh…
No one wants to be honest because no one wants to give up potential perks. Last night I had a very interesting conversation with a close friend. I came to the conclusion that people are just selfish and act mostly on self-preservation motives. There are a few strong exceptions, like love and family bonds, but most of the time we’re just jerks looking to get ahead by whatever means possible. It’s a sad reality to face but one I must live through. Thank goodness for Godiva, my calming friend.
If there is one thing about myself I would love to change or improve it would be my counterproductive habit of fleeing from potentially uncomfortable conversations and situations. I dislike not having full social awareness or control. When circumstance forces me to “wing it” I often turn away and make like the Roadrunner. The comical thing about it is that I’m not so subtle about it either. I’m literally struck silent once I realize I may be heading into murky waters, then quickly search for an escape, or make one if truly desperate.
Prime example: I was out with friends at a bar. While having myself a merry time at this bar I’m getting ready to leave and say my goodbyes. I receive an unexpected text from a person I’ve gone on a couple of dates with. He’s noticed that we’re in the same bar. The level of panic that arose cannot be properly expressed. I say a collective goodbye to my friends and run out of there as if my life was on the line. (I also cover my face when movies have embarrassing scenes. lol I can’t watch, it’s so silly.)
This is even more prominent in my personal relationships as it’s practically impossible for me to talk about feelings without suffering some sort of (highly obvious) mental anguish. The problem lies not in that I cannot express myself, but rather that I simply don’t want to. It feels as though once you open yourself up to that kind of honesty the potential to become disappointed or disillusioned increases more than I’d want it to.
Aside from this getting in the way of my own wants it can also end up hurting those who want to make a connection. Emotionally I’m the lone inhabitant of a remote island. Yes some people pick me up on radar and sometimes I may even make contact, but I am not fond of strangers showing up and hitting shore. Maybe it just takes the right person to break through that, or someone to make me WANT to change. :/
In any case I’m going to stop worrying about this for now. Classes start back up in about 2 weeks and I need to make the most of it. Karaoke, beer pong, rock climbing, PS3, and Netflix!
One more thought: Why is it that people develop particular expectations when none are discussed and then become upset when they’re not met?
This is the last week of my first graduate semester, and so far I am pretty confident I will be earning an A in both courses. Work is somewhat stressful as always but I seem to be managing well. My physical and mental health seem to be doing alright, save for the minor loss of sanity after discovering there is no more chocolate in the apartment. I’d say life is pretty damn good!
But something troubles me…
I’m entering that dark and scary place I once knew and found myself lost in. This place, this very, very perturbing place is… the dating scene. *DUN DUN DUUUNNN*
I’d like to say it was simply the daily grind of trying to beat off guidos and gangsta wannabees, but that’s not even the worse part. Nay, the worst is getting BAITED by those smooth talking, good looking, intelligent sounding, female kryptonites. Those few that somehow manage to say the right things despite your own capable mind and intuition. With little insignificant acts they manage to stick to your brain. But as most smart women tend to find out, their true nature soon lets itself show in ways you’d be dumb to ignore. And here I find myself, over-thinking as usual and writing rather than discussing.
It’s decision time: Complain about having fallen for it, confront, or walk away and move on.
I’m going to need three shot glasses and a Bacardi bottle. Let’s do this!
It’s not often I experience the dull yet persistent ache the loss of love causes. I try to distance myself, remain analytical and aware. The truth, however, is that you can’t fight emotion. Not truly. You may try to mask and hide it, but it remains. I often think about making the “right” decisions, sometimes against my heart’s desire. Even though somewhere along the way I’ll feel at peace with my choices, at this moment they threaten to break me. I double guess myself and stumble through my day. Was it worth it? I don’t know.
So many wonderful memories. And yet… There is this. The mourning of a lost relationship. Months of fights and arguments were only a symptom. The real sickness was complacency. I placed aside my wants and hoped things would somehow change as I wished them to, and so did he. People don’t change unless they want to, and even then should they really? I have more questions than answers and more sorrow than I’d care to admit. Daily reminders of the past set my emotions in a spin. Even an ocean away the memories haunt my every waking moment. I used to bounce back and sprint now I crawl and still make no progress.
I don’t want something new, I simply want to forget. Forget I ever loved. It’s sad to think the relationship made me turn into someone I hate. I don’t know what hurts me most. Having sacrificed personal happiness and self-worth or having lost someone I thought was right. What a fool I was. What a fool I am!
I pray that stupid cliche saying is right because I have nothing but time to regret.
(God, I feel so emo. I apologize to the readers. I promise I won’t be so damn depressing next round. I just had to get it out of my chest.)
Throughout most of my life I’ve been considered a “heavy” person. From childhood into my college years I associated food with comfort and family. I always looked forward to meals prepared by my grandmother, although probably unhealthy at times, and she loved cooking for me. Growing up in Puerto Rico food was equivalent to a healthy family dynamic. Meals brought everyone together and provided a time for sharing and bonding. I also also grew up in a society that valued image. A woman who was overweight was often considered lazy or simply uncaring of herself. It became increasingly difficult for me to balance two great cultural influences.
I always looked up to models, artists, and actresses whose figures I envied. I knew their eating habits probably differed greatly from my own, but they never had the privilege of tasting my grandmothers lasagna. I often became depressed and self conscious about my looks. Going to school or walking around town triggered thoughts of self-loathing and disappointment. Eventually I came to believe that I Would never be “beautiful” by society’s standard. I was a heavy girl and would always remain so.
My demeanor in college was always confident and assured, but secretly I wished I could find a way to change my figure. I dieted, exercised, and tried supplements but nothing gave me the results I wanted. I reached my lowest point (and heaviest at 210lbs) last summer. It became painfully obvious that I was using food as a way to dull whatever sadness and pain I was feeling. Sometime in July I was laid off. I was yet another victim of a poor economy and my world went into a spin. I not only had to deal with a damaged self-image but I was now unemployed as well. In my mind I became the stereotypical fat lazy person, even though it was the farthest thing from the truth. I vowed to change everything in my life at that moment.
My daily diet drastically changed. I went from eating about 3000 calories a day to 800. I exercised 4 times a week and drank mostly water. Everyday I reminded myself I was fat. This daily self-deprecating behavior led me to view food as a an evil necessity, my enemy. As my calorie intake became more obsessively controlled my stress level rose. Food was on my mind constantly. Nutritional information became my bible. The less calorie content the better. Soon the weight started coming off quickly. I avoided the scale for months and allowed my shrinking waist to be my guide. In nine months I went from a size 14 to a size 5. A grand total of 87lbs lost.
I was rewarded with positive comments from my co-workers, family, and friends. Most of them could not hide their shock having become used to seeing me overweight for most of my life. I felt pleased at my accomplishment, but through the compliments I sensed worry and trepidation. Through their smiles I saw genuine concern. I began to self asses the events that had transpired in those nine months.
I remembered during that time experiencing my first panic attack. It was the single most terrifying moment of my life. In my ignorance I was forced to call 9-1-1 as I believed myself to be at death’s door. I had tunnel vision and extreme chest pain. An ambulance visit later I was given a clean bill of health and advised to see a medical professional for anxiety. I was truly taken aback. How could it be all in my head?
The days following my attack I was in a state of continual heightened stress. Having another panic attack terrified me. I had difficulty concentrating and simply being “happy.” I was not aware that through this ordeal I reduced my eating even more. Some days ago I was approached by someone close to me and informed of their concern for my health. They believe I suffer from an eating disorder. It is in fact true that I obsess over my weight, but having lived many years not caring about my diet I think I can afford to be a little strict now. I also tell myself that I am still within a healthy weight range for my height. I am 5″3 and 120lbs on any given day. Just the fact that I am now able to actually confess to my weight is an achievement in itself.
But there are times when I do worry. Am I really experiencing the beginnings of an eating disorder? I eat 2 meals a day, about 4 cups of tea with honey for relaxing, and probably at least 2 pieces of chocolate as well (I will never give up chocolate! lol). But some of the people around me say my portions are too small or that I’m starving myself. I don’t know what to think. I believe myself to be a healthy adult (aside from severe anxiety and the like). What to do? I simply do not know.
I’ve visited a doctor recently and no mention was made of a weight problem, then again this was not the same generalist I had seen for years. He was not aware of my dramatic weight loss. I’ll admit, I’m a stubborn person when it comes to asking for help, but what am I to do when I do not believe I have need of asking?
The media and society idolize beauty and slender figures, yet they also demonize too much strictness. I feel as though I will never be able to win this image battle. I’m either to heavy or too obsessive with my diet. I wish they would just make up their minds. In the meantime I will enjoy a piece of dark chocolate and hope for the best.
Ah chocolate, what a lovely mistress you are!
Here you have my little experiment. Oven roasted seasoned potatoes and a bacon wrapped seasoned chicken thigh with cheese in the center. My food tester said it was delicious. I’m adding this to my monthly menu.